Do-it-yourself

I wonder if Marilyn Monroe or Cindy Crawford ever had this issue.

I have a small freckle/mole thing just above the right side of my lip, not unlike these two beauties. It's been a point of pride in my vanity since childhood. And for some reason, it's infected.

Can moles even get infected?

At this point it looks and feels like a zit, but when I try to pop it (I'm neurotic, remember?), it just made the zit angrier. So now I'm left to sit in a dark corner of the house, clearly too ugly to be out making public appearances, with my gigantic angry zit/mole thing, which also hurts like hell.

Then you get deep inside your head about things like this when you're up at 3 a.m. with a screaming baby, and I started wondering if maybe it's a cancerous mole. Isn't this one of those warning signs they tell you about when it could be skin cancer? I don't remember, I didn't pay a lot of attention in health class in high school, but it probably wouldn't have mattered, I don't know if our health books even detailed skin cancer, or if it had even been discovered yet. My school system was rural and poor -- when I was in high school in the late 90's, early 00's, our health books still featured an article on Arthur Ashe and his triumph over heart bypass. Yes, I am serious.

Anyway. I started wondering if maybe I had skin cancer growing on my face, and once that thought enters your brain, it's impossible to get out. The last time I was this health paranoid was when I took an HIV test for my life insurance policy. You just start wondering. There's probably no way it is, right? I mean, seriously? It probably isn't. But what if it is? Who am I? The top of the TV is dusty. My boob hurts. Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

Unfortunately I don't have health insurance at the moment and my state-funded pregnancy coverage is up since, well, I'm not pregnant anymore. So going to a dermatologist to appease my paranoia is more or less out of the question. Maybe I could just cut the mole off myself. I mean really, is it that hard to do? A little Orajel on the mole, grab one of those expensive jujitsu-style, shoe-cutting knives we got as a wedding present, and do my own nip-tuck? Is it really that hard?

These are the kinds of thoughts you get when you're up late with Super Colicky Baby E. And I thought the pregnant dreams were crazy...