Just when MySpace couldn't get any sadder...

I was bored and wasting time on MySpace when I stumbled across the MySpace page of a girl I knew in high school. She went to a neighboring school and I played sports against her, and being from two neighboring rural schools, we inevitably ran into each other at parties, dances, etc. Whatever. Anyway. She's apparently an MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fighter now and fights for a team called "Team Truth". They like Jesus a lot and like to glorify him by beating (or attempting to beat) people up. Damn, if I had known religion was that fun I might have to drop this whole agnostic shtick.

But then looking at pictures of some of the fighters, I thought maybe I'd just join MMA under like, an agnostic team, and beat them up really bad. That way I could look at all the downtrodden Christians in the crowd and say, "See? You still haven't proven anything to me!" Well, maybe kicking their asses wouldn't prove me right, but it would prove that I'm pretty much a badass.

I bet I could beat the following fighters:

(Besides MMA fighting, he also moonlights as child molester.)


(This guy looks like he's preparing to pose for his senior picture and the camera was snapped just shortly before he rested his chin on his fist.)


(This guy has two fists. See?)


(Ol' Hunchie, the team's hunchbacked mascot, was caught by surprise by the camera during picture day.)


(Nothing says hardcore like swimtrunks and male-pattern baldness.)


(Ever wonder what happened to the stinky kid from third grade?)


(His hoodie was chaffing his nipples.)


(The folks at the developmental center think this is really good for Jimmy.)

Yeah, I know I know, I'm going to hell for making fun of Christians, child molesters, the stinky kid from third grade, hunchbacks, bald people, and people with dry nipples. But joke's on you, because I don't believe in it. So there.