Self control.

I am neurotic about a lot of things. I hate paper, especially laser paper used for most receipts at stores, and especially newspaper. It's a texture thing. I refuse to eat the butts of food -- i.e., hot dogs, bananas, baby carrots, et. al. I freak out if my food on my plate is touching. But the one thing that absolutely sends my neurotic ass over the line is acne. Whiteheads, blackheads, cysts, zits -- I hate them. I must destroy them. I don't care if it's on my person or on another's. If I see one, I will eliminate its existence. And if I am especially close to you, I will seek them out. Nothing gives me greater joy than when A allows me to search his back.

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than popping whiteheads and zits. In another world I would have gone to school to be a dermatologist, and I would have been so insanely happy popping zits all day. (Note: I know dermatologists do more than pop zits. Save the flaming.)

That being said... Baby E has baby acne. BAD. I'm told it's normal, and WebMD said most babies get it, but I like having something to blame on A's genetics because clearly she didn't inherit it from me -- I've always had perfect porcelain skin. (Namely because I'd pop white/blackheads before they could develop into acne.) But there they are. They're heartbreaking, and they haven't gone away, though I'm told they resolve themselves by two months. (Hence why I haven't called our family photographer laureate, Ms. Fey -- not the porn star. I'm vain on behalf of my daughter.)

Do you understand that it kills me to not be able to pop them? I look at her sleeping so soundly, and I just want to go on a pinching spree. Seriously, like fifteen minutes and I'd have her looking as flawless as the Gerber baby. (Who was an Alpha Omicron Pi sister like yours truly, FYI.) The tiny little whiteheads... they mock me. A will catch me lovingly stroking her face and he can see the wheels turning. At which point he sharply tells me, "NO!" and I'm zapped back to reality.

I will not pop my daughter's baby acne. I will not pop my daughter's baby acne. I will not pop my daughter's baby acne...