Happy Mother's Day!

This was my first Mother's Day. It made me happy. So to all you mom's out there who read this -- especially my favorite blogger moms like Shaken Mama, All & Sundry Mourning, and Emily the Good -- Happy Mother's Day!

I make a lot of jokes because my divine wisdom in parenthood (after three long and arduous months) is that a sense of humor is necessary to make it through alive. That's pretty much my take on everything in life. But I just wanted to take a minute to talk semi-seriously about how much I love being a mom. I never thought I'd be this happy having a kid. For a long time, I'd joke with people that I hoped for sterility. I had goals, and dreams, and ambitions. I graduated college with what seemed like a promising career ahead. And then nine days later, The Punky was conceived. A month after that, I was aware of it.

I remember after I saw the positive read on the pregnancy test. On all five pregnancy tests. The first thing I did was take a shower, carefully scrubbing my still-flat, still-skin-taut belly, like that would help me come to grips with the whole thing. (Which, interestingly enough, was the first thing I did in the shower after I gave birth to her.) It was such a weird collision of feelings -- I loved A, of course, but we weren't married and while we'd been discussing it, it wasn't a reality quite yet. I had always been so career-driven and now that train was coming to a grinding, crashing halt. And my parents. Shit, what were my parents going to say?

And yet...

I felt a little excited. And I felt a lot better about it when I could hear A smiling through the phone when I told him. I didn't want to tell him over the phone. I had just texted him asking him to come home early, and he thought something was wrong and called and pried until I told him. I still remember how happy he sounded, even though he was trying to hide it. I remember when he came home that day. We just stood there, in the dining room, looking at each other with these sheepish, shit-eating grins because we had both suddenly realized it wasn't just "us" anymore. It was "us" and this entity, this little collection of cells hanging out in my uterus, and soon it would be us and a bump, and then us and a baby. We were scared shitless, but as cheesy as it sounds, we had each other. While I can't speak for him, I knew that was enough for me.

Almost a year since and our 3-month-old daughter is currently asleep on my lap, spread eagle with her little legs dangling on my sides, her little fists clutching my t-shirt and her head smashed in my armpit, a favorite sleeping position of hers I don't think I will ever understand. This perfect, beautiful little person. What a crazy year it's been, but she made it here and it seems like she can hang. In three short months she's morphed from this squirmy pink gummy bear into a little person. She makes eye contact, and as soon as her gaze catches mine she smiles. Sometimes it's accompanied by chattering. We make eye contact and it's just this unspoken understanding that we are each other's world.

I wake up every day next to the two loves of my life, and more often than not, she is already awake, smiling and staring up at the bouquet of silk flowers that hang above our bed, or the ceiling fan. Smiling, kicking, cooing... just happy to start the day. She has reminded me that every day is a gift. Every day there is something new to see, new to discover, new to feel and another day that we get to experience love. Another day to feel. Another day to just BE. I can't wake up in a bad mood when I wake up to such a happy little person. Every day I wake up to my husband kissing his girls good morning, and I then roll over and coo, "Good morning, Sunny Bunny!" And I'm met with happy marching and a big, gummy, toothless grin.

Every day waking up to her is like the third date. When you realize that you are absolutely crazy about the person you're seeing, and that you're excited for the relationship, excited to talk to them, waiting for the phone call and counting the minutes til you can see them again. It's like that every single day with her. It's amazing to watch all the little things in life blow her mind -- watching her figure things out. The tiny things we never think about. It's all new to her and to watch her figure it out and make the mental connections is just the coolest thing. It's the best thing in the world to watch her becoming this really cool little person, and to know that it's because of me. And A. And fate and whatever god is out there.

I have done a lot of really cool things in my life. I've traveled to neat places, seen some things that would rock your face off, accomplished a lot, won trophies and plaques, been published in newspapers and magazines. Until last June, I thought I was the shit. But now I look at her and can say without a doubt, this little person is the best thing I have ever done, or ever will done. I love her in ways I never knew it was possible to love someone. She. Is. My. Life.

It's amazing, the things you can learn from someone who's only been around three months, but sometimes things in the simplest of terms are the most important to learn.