Can't...take...the stupidity.

Through high school, one of my life's dreams was to be on MTV's "The Real World." Now as I watch it, I'm realizing that it's probably for the best that I abandoned that goal because I'd be the show's way-too-honest bitch, and let's face it, I've already got a blog to do that on in sweet anonymity.

Okay. So this season's beefcake is a greasy 'roid-head named Joey. I hate Joey. Sure, he's pretty hot, if you're into that sort of thing, but besides being vain and arrogant and just all around stupid, Joey has a supposed "drinking problem." He claims he was an alcoholic, got things under control, and is trying to abstain from drinking. But of course, this is "The Real World", and everyone knows in the real world all you do is drink, not work, clean up puke, and have a lot of sex with people you live with.

Actually, that is sort of what my life now is like. Minus the alcohol. Okay, most of the alcohol.

But it totally pisses me off how Joey talks about his "alcoholism." DUDE, you weren't an alcoholic. So you spent four or five years drinking a lot and you happened to be a total douche when you drank. Guess what, it happens to a lot of us. It's called college. We all do stupid stuff in that wonderful alcohol-hazed window -- I might've pierced a few body parts normally covered by clothing, I might've flashed those parts to complete strangers. I might've called up exes and reminded them what miserable human beings they were. I might've called my mom at 3 a.m. and asked how to make Easy Mac. I might've, but I'll never tell. But whatever, you grow out of it.

I totally saw and dealt with Joey's type in ye olden college days. The type that get drunk, makes a general asshole of himself, breaks some things, pees on the couch, and steals some DVDs. And then in the days that ensue, when everyone's pissed, claims to have an alcohol problem to excuse the fact that he was just a big fat asshole. Yeah. That's not alcoholism. That's called being a douche that nobody likes.

So the most recent development on "The Real World" is that Joey has decided to go to rehab, the cure-all for everything that goes wrong in life where you can put your asshole issues on hold, they dissolve and you never have to say you're sorry. But what really burns me up is the fact that Joey sat and with tears glistening in his glazed-over eyes, tells the producers that it's "this place" that makes him drink. Okay, nobody held a gun to your head and told you to take shot after shot, dude. Guess what, you did that all on your own. And -- even better -- he tells his roommates, "I didn't drink for FOUR MONTHS!"

FOUR MONTHS? REALLY?!?! Holy crap, get this guy a damn medal!

I hate people my age. Maybe this is why I married someone six years older than me. That, and because he knocked me up. But mostly we married because of love and stuff.