(Fat) Fish Out of Water

Do you ever have those occasional epiphanies in life where you're slapped with the realization that things as you previously knew them are never, ever going to be the same?

I had one after my first kiss with A -- the only time in my life I've ever kissed on the first date. I had one as I stared at the digital "positive" read on the pregnancy test last June. I had one shortly after pushing a child out of my vadge (yeah, I spell it with a D, whatever). And I just had one today as I was stubbornly trying to push a baby stroller through Abercrombie & Fitch.

Yeah, okay, I'll admit it, I was one of THOSE girls -- the type whose closet consisted primarily of A&F deconstructed t-shirts and torn up jeans, all of which I paid entirely too much for. I was never QUITE in the club, though. I still remember feeling horribly dejected on a shopping trip in college when I was looking at Abercrombie for a pair of jeans in a size 10, asked the sales girl for help, and she responded by eyeballing me up and down and sneering, "You're probably going to have to check online for YOUR size."

(In the same breath she probably was thinking if she ever got as fat as me, she'd go kill herself.)

So today I finally decided that I'd mastered the "Mommy out in public" routine that I could tackle the mall. I pumped The Punky full of milk. I layered my shirts just "so", so you wouldn't be able to tell if I spurt a leak, I went to the mall just as naptime was in effect. I thought I could do my usual loop through the mall and then I approached Abercrombie.

Okay, I never noticed this before, but the entire store is set up to deter and keep fat people out. Those racks are way, WAY too close together. My size 10 ass could hardly squeeze through the store, much less with a stroller. The wheels of the stroller kept catching on the feet of the rack, The Punky was being extremely cooperative as I kept accidentally slamming her into tables, and salespeople were looking at me and I know they were wondering if I had just gotten horribly lost on my way to Fashion Bug or Lane Bryant or something.

So I made my way out of the store and sulked as I pushed on down to Sears, where the aisles are wider, the salespeople are less anorexic, and moms are welcome.

*long, sad, dramatic wistful sigh*