I can't help you.

God bless SiteMeter. This nifty little tracker shows me everything from how many people have visited the blog, where they're from, what kind of computer/browser they're using, to what pages have referred them here and, my personal favorite, what Google searches land them here. If you searched something stupid on Google and somehow wound up here, yes, I see you.

It amazes me the kind of "self help" things that land people at my humble little blog. I am not a self-help guru. My six steps? Yeah, that's a joke, kids. I'm the girl whose standard of becoming an adult is using a cart in Wal-Mart. I really hope people don't seriously come to this blog hoping for, expecting, some sort of direction in their quests, only to leave disappointed because I just talk about poop and making fun of dumb people. Unless that's what you're looking for. In which case, poop and dumb people ahoy!

But anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the SiteMeter. There are some weeeeiiiirrrrd cats out there on the web, and even social retards Google things looking for direction in life. And thanks to SiteMeter, my favorite Google references of the week have been:

“Steps to become a gyno"
“How to ease swollen prego feet”
“How to give better head”
“How to get my wife to get a brazilian wax”
"How to get head in a restaurant"

I don't know how to provide advice on any of these things, but I hope you people find what you're looking for. Except you, Mr. Head in a Restaurant... yeah, you're pretty much just an icky icky poo.

Weirdos and Icky Icky Poo's aside, it's also my beloved dog's birthday today. Lucky Bodhisattva of Fenway -- better known to all as "Bodhi" -- turns 2 today. Happy Birthday BoBo/BoBa/Bobophet/Oh-Bo-Ba-Dobi/Bocephus/Bodhicat!