Road rage

I've discussed it before, but to reiterate to anyone not familiar with my driving style -- I drive for shit. I can openly admit it -- I'm a horrible driver. I weave through lanes. I'm regularly driving 20+ mph over the speed limit, I obliviously cut people off, I roll through stop signs. If I'm feeling especially saucy on any given day, I might, might use my turn signals. I'm that car on the road that when I pass a driver's ed car, I can count on looking in my rearview mirror and seeing the instructor in the passenger seat pointing at my car and telling his student that I'm an example of what NOT to do. I know. I'm a horrible, horrible driver. I'm amazed they let me on the road, too.

HOWEVER... I am convinced that I am the only person in this entire city that has even the remotest idea of how to drive in the winter. I grew up about 45 minutes away from the city in which I currently reside, where the weather patterns are assumably similar. That is, every December, it snows. It's winter. This white, frozen precipitation falls from the sky onto the earth. It's the damnedest thing, because you'd swear every single resident of this city is completely new to the concept of snow. At least the ones in cars. Because every December, without fail, once it snows, everyone in this god-forsaken city begins to drive 20 miles per hour, regardless of where they are -- side roads, main streets, mother-effing interstates... A few small flurries are cause for alarm here. By "alarm" I mean MASS PANIC AND HYSTERIA.

We had our first major snow here last week and there were over 90 accidents that night reported. You want me to venture a guess? Because everyone was freaking out and driving 10 mph. I am that asshole that drives maybe 5 miles under the posted speed limit, passing said idiots. Because it's the damnedest thing in the world -- tires are actually created with traction to handle snowy roads. Oh yeah, AND THE ROADS WERE PLOWED THREE DAYS AGO!!!

I am swearing to you right here and now, folks, I'm going to go into labor while I'm driving because my blood pressure and my patience are inversely related when it comes to the dumbasses behind the wheel in this city. I come from a small rural town where maybe, just MAYBE the roads would get plowed after a snowstorm. Huge maybe. You learned to drive in winter quick and after you hit a ditch once or twice, you learned the limits (I only did it once, thank you very much). Maybe I'm lucky because I'm not a complete fucktard when it comes to winter driving...

...or maybe it's a curse because I'm stuck behind fucktards that think "Snow = Driving 5 mph."

Gah... I need to get out of this city.