Pervert!

Did you know Netflix has porn? Because they do.

I didn't know such cinematic genius had a place on Netflix. So you can imagine my surprise when, at A's insistence, I popped in Pervert!, one of the movies that had arrived the week. "It's a zombie movie," he said. Considering our most recently watched movies included such classics as Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter, I wasn't surprised by the movie title I'd never heard of. So I popped in the DVD, and lo and behold, porn.

One should be suspicious of any movie that boasts that it stars Mary Carey. Within ten seconds of the starting credits, I'd seen at least, at least, five pairs of boobs. I'm not a prude, kids, I swear. I enjoy myself some skinemax on occasion -- but not when I'm coerced or tricked into it. That was the point that I pushed A over onto his side of the couch, ignoring his wiggling eyebrows as he looked and me suggestively going, "Enh? Enh?" and tossed his throw blanket onto him, snatched mine away, and declared, "You stay over there and keep your splooge off my blanket!"

After he realized I was just going to sit on my end of the couch and roll my eyes -- and while we're married, we're not so married that we'll sit on opposite ends of the couch watching porn -- we switched movie night plans to include my classic favorite, Kill Bill: Volume 1, and I we resolved that he is not allowed anywhere near the Netflix queu from here on out.