Punky has apparently been eviscerated and had all of her innards replaced with snot by some maniacal fairy intent on totally and completely fucking with my sleep schedule. I had a happy, smiling baby that I put to bed on Wednesday evening. By 2:30 a.m. on Thursday morning, I was up comforting a screaming, hyperventilating baby (who was so worked up from crying, she couldn't breathe, on top of her nasal/bronchial passages being filled with snot).
So I've been chasing down any remedy I could to help her feel better. This kid has a river of snot coming down her face all day. She's weezing and coughing and it's pathetic. Really, really, pathetic. And the snot. Oh my god the snot.
In one of my plots to make her feel better, I made a warm, steamy bath. I fed her dinner in the bathtub, and all was well. She was content to play with her bath toys, splash, and generally be the cheerful and chipper trooper she is. A. and I sat beside her on the bathroom floor, watching her revel in the attention and the comfort that the steamy bath brought.
This is such a situation where a good mother would let things be. The baby is happy, after all, right? Let's just let her play and bask in the adorable nature of our family.
No. This is the point where I have to take it a step further and think, I bet she'd like the shower! I bet she'd find it funny, like rain drops! Yes, rain drops dropping on the Punkin in a happy and beautiful shower.
So I turned the water on, and pulled the plunger to turn on the shower. Here is where things went awry:
1.) We were out of hot water. I'd used it all to create a steamy hot bathroom atmosphere/bath. So the water was freezing. (Probably should've checked the temperature before I turned the shower on.)
2.) The adjustable shower head setting was set on "OMG CAR WASH PRESSURE WASHER SHEER FORCE PEELING OFF MY SKIN" setting, which A. uses, for some unknown, masochistic reason, and he was the last to use the shower. Again, a little bit of forethought would have prevented this.
3.) By sheer luck, Punky was looking at the shower when it turned on. So she was hit in the face by freezing cold water coming at her at a skin-peeling speed, knocked over in the tub, and promptly began to inhale the water.
What resulted was me jumping, fully clothed, into the shower to rescue my daughter from my own imposed death by shower. I was wet, she was hysterical, and A. was at a loss for understanding my logic (which is the norm in this house). And I'm pretty sure we're never going to get her in the tub again.
I meant well. I did.
1 hour ago
5 comments:
Oh that is sad and hilarious at the same time. Poor Punks and boogs -- plus, snot is gross! It sucks to be wading in it.
No worries doll, we've all been there. I had to play "grab the appendage to keep the baby from falling" the first time I stupidly tried a shower. Took another 4 years before the kid would dare to try showering. Oops.
Swear to God this is the only thing that works when The Alligator has snot from here to high water:
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=6768&cmSource=Search
Poor Punky and Poor Momma too! A humidifier (one that has warm steam) always works wonders for at night. I put a bit of liquid Vicks in it.
Poor kid. We haven't had much experience with the Snot Monster, but we've tried saline drops and the booger sucker for the nose - and vicks on the feet for the coughing, etc.
I do appreciate the graphic description of such a traumatic event -- Punky should feel better knowing she's provided a chuckle for everyone. Feel better!
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