Competitor.

It's hard to believe that in just over a week, Punky is going to be a year old. Where the fuck the last year went is beyond me, but I'm guessing it went up in smoke somewhere with my sanity and sleep. Time flies when you are suffering from sleep-deprived dementia.

Though that issue has improved. I've learned not to brag about such things on the blog because that means The Blog Mommy Gods will hear it and punish me for such prideful thoughts. But I'm just sayin', if Punky was sleeping through the night besides one small wake-up around midnight, which isn't a huge deal since we still aren't in bed yet, and besides that sleeps through til 9 a.m. consistently, and that for the last week or so I have received eight blissfully uninterrupted hours of sleep nightly... if that was the case, I wouldn't mention it on my blog. I'm just sayin' *nods at you knowingly*.

Besides that, Punky has entered this really hilarious "Monkey See, Monkey Do" stage, where she is working in her clumsy way to imitate things A. and I do, and slurring her way through things she hears us say (which, um, fuck uh-oh!). And may I tell you how absolutely thrilled I am that she is hitting everything with her mallet, like an Olde English judge on a power binge? Yeah, I'm so glad A. taught her that. Poor Mimi has been mercilessly beat to a pulp, though apparently Punky finds it more satisfying to hit hard things, like her big plastic kitchen, our hardwood floors, or A.'s head.


Tomorrow, A.'s store is participating in this Children's Expo downtown and somehow I got wrangled into attending with Punky (oh yeah, because if I'm going to put it on my resume that I'm his marketing director, he's insisting I at least pretend to market). Somehow Punky has been signed up for this crawling race, which may or may not be a good thing, considering how fiercely competitive I am. So keep your eyes on the news, if you hear of some Children's Expo gone awry by a mob of angry mothers attacking each other over a crawling contest. If you hear about that, you can probably be rest assured that at the heart of the matter, I probably said something uncalled for and inappropriate, because really, that's what I do.

But seriously. Punky is almost a year old, comfortably (almost snugly) wearing 18-month clothes, and still not walking. Her size and determination may prove to be an advantage in this competition, since babies can't be walking yet. So she's going to be going up against clearly inferior, smaller babies, most likely. That, or huge 2- and 3-year-olds with developmental disabilities who can't walk yet, and their parents are really desperate for diapers so they enter them in the contest. But in that case, while she may be at a size disadvantage, I would hope we'd have the edge based on the fact that she would probably have the comprehension to GO, for the LOVE OF GOD GO, or MOMMY WON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE.

See, this is why I'm confident that somewhere along the line, some angry mother is going to try to punch me in the face.