... or, at the very least, if I ran the diaper company... I would make stickier side tabs that were more difficult for babies to rip off. Or perhaps a system of locks, a "chastity belt"-style contraption that would keep her tiny little fingers OUT of her diaper.
Punky's newest trick has been taking off her diaper and then exploring whatever magical contents await inside. I learned this one afternoon when I went to check on her during her nap, to discover that she had taken her diaper off and had smeared her hands and feet in the poop that had magically appeared inside of it. And rubbed it fucking EV-ER-EEEEE-WHERE. It was like a poop Pollock masterpiece on toile bedding.
Cleaning it up? Awesome. I was so distressed by the overwhelming presence of poop that I didn't even get a picture. But trust me, it was baaaad.
So I thought to myself, Genius Mommy, maybe you shouldn't let your kid sleep naked (in her diaper). I mean, it's easy access, so perhaps slapping a onesie on would deter the problem. To no avail. This kid UNSNAPPED THE CROTCH of her onesie the next day, undid the diaper, and again I peeked in the crib to find a naked booty sticking up in the air like a bad porno.
This kid will NOT wear a diaper to bed. WON'T. NO. FAIL.
So I check on her in bed last night and I found this:
Once again, weaseled out of her diaper. So I tried to reach around -- so very quietly and carefully -- to reattach the tab in the front, only to discover in her slumber, Punky was also swimming around in a sea of her own piss. And underneath her, peeking out like the Wicked Witch of the East, is her beloved lovie, Sophie Bear -- who is also unfortunately drenched in baby piss.
So I had to get her out of bed while whispering and frantically pointing at A how to change the bedding, where to put the pee-soaked bedding and where her second-string Sophie Bear was, while trying to quietly and efficiently wipe the piss off her belly.
So if I ran the world, and ran a diaper company (which really, the two are ominously similar), I would make it impossible for nudist babies like mine to take their diapers off. Because this shit (and piss) is getting really old.
1 hour ago
3 comments:
I am so impressed with The Punk. Chebbles didn't start doing this until she was about 2.
This is what I learned from other moms that worked... first, go ahead and use duct tape on the diapers (just go all the way around with the duct tape, and then cut them off when it's time to change). Second, cut the feet off some zippered PJ's and put them on her backwards. Then she can't unzip them to get at the diaper. I still have a stash of Chebbles' altered PJ's, for when/if Johnson gets the same inclination.
But also, check her out, all sleeping in her own bed so peacefully!!! AWESOME. I mean, except the shit-everywhere part.
I'd say how bad I feel for you, but I'm too busy giggling.
I laughed so hard I woke up my daughter! My son has just started doing this, he has to wear shorts or else he will streak naked through the house, and he is FAST!
Oh and screw the old bitty, your hilarious!
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