Dog Whisperer, Your Thoughts?

In addition to deliberately crapping on the floor and eating umbilical stumps, Bodhi has now added compulsive licking to his list of weird and annoying and altogether frustrating habits. I don't know what sparked it and frankly, I don't have the time or energy to try to psychoanalyze my neurotic little dog. Me, Andy, the baby, the fridge, the couch... he's a licking fiend.

And it's gone too far.

Baby E has been feeling extra saucy this week (by "saucy," I mean a fussy, screaming, kicking, writhing, possessed demon child), and after nearly three hours of rocking, humming, shh-ing, and sobbing (on both parts), I'd finally gotten her to sleep. Carefully and quietly, I walked her over to her swing, fastened her in, turned it on.... and waited. Stood and waited for a minute, not believing my luck. Yes... she was finally out for her nap. I quietly tip-toed to the kitchen to do dishes. Still not a peep. Praise Vishnu...

Then I hear it. Fussing. God damnit. Not even five goddamn minutes. BUT... it was just fussing, not full-bore crying. I may be able to intercept this one. So I fly to the living room and there's the scene...

E in the swing in her sleeping gown, little feet and little legs flailing... and there's Bodhi. With his head completely covered by her gown. Licking up a storm.

Seriously, what is an appropriate reaction to this scene besides what I did -- screaming? There's my dog, one Huggies away from defiling my daughter... I mean really what is the course of action here? Dr. Spock? Dog whisperer? Anyone? Any input here?

I guess I should just be thankful that he's already been neutered long before E came along. Licking is one thing. Humping and peeing are entirely another.

I should not be saying that last sentence for at least another 16 years.