Prego vs. the Neighbor, Round 1

One thing I am learning about being a grown-up is learning how to deal with people you don't like, especially when they live thirty feet across the street from you. The world is filled with people. People of varied colors, backgrounds, cultures, orientations, and stances on just how much control they can wield over their pets. My conflict with our neighbor across the street comes from the latter of these options.

A little background information, first. I hate cats. I grew up in a house full of cats that despite my mother's best efforts, pissed everywhere. Have you ever smelled cat piss? It is probably the foulest thing I have ever smelled, and you can't get it out of the carpet. It lingers, forever. On top of that I just plain don't like cats. My neighbor across the street, whom A and I call "Creepy Guy," disagrees. And that's fine. I choose to have one dog and no cats, he chooses to have no dogs and 20 cats. Okay, cool.

The point where conflict comes in is the fact that Creepy Guy does nothing to contain his cats. They run the neighborhood. His idea of feeding them is opening a bag of cat food and spreading it through his backyard. They are everywhere. They like to lounge in the middle of the road in our cul de sac. They crawl on A's black car and leave footprints. And a few times they have found their way into our house. Don't ask me how. But they do. I frequently find them on our porch, on our back deck, in our garage.... it gets annoying. It isn't my job to care for, or house, or not feed antifreeze to, this man's cats.

Now that we've had enough background information, I present to you the confrontation. I woke up around 10 a.m., per usual, and went into the kitchen to let Bo, my dog, out of his kennel and let him out to potty. I am wearing my normal sleeping attire -- size-too-big wife beater and a pair of A's boxers -- as I open the back door to let Bo out. He normally goes out the back deck to the backyard, does his thing, comes back inside. I don't chain him up or restrain him. He pees on the bush, comes inside. I am 3% conscious, running mostly on routine. I open the door, and out goes Bo...

And there's a cat on the back deck. Bo sees cat. Cat sees Bo. Bo barks at cat. Cat tears off down the street. Bo tears off after cat. I tear off after Bo and cat, all while muttering obscenities I think are reserved only for the dirtiest of sailors.

The cat eventually finds its hiding place under Creepy Guy's car. Bo pursues the cat under the car and I find myself on my hands and knees trying to retrieve my dog, with my naughty bits hanging out for all the world to see. As Bo is barking at the cat, I hear a front door open. Out comes Creepy Guy, which I think is just great.

And I hear, before I even have a chance to look up, "Keep your goddamn dog in your own yard."

Okay. normal, sane, non-pregnant Prego would have been pretty peeved, but oh no, this bastard was getting barely-conscious, very pissed off, hormonally-charged Super Prego. I grab Bo and stand up -- pretty sure half a boob is hanging out and I just don't care -- and I stare at him for a cold, awkward second.

"FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT," I said. "Because MY dog would stay in MY yard if your GODDAMN CAT would have been in your yard... but wait, your cats are never in your fucking yard! They are in our yard. They're in the neighbors' yards. They're in the street. It's not the neighborhood's job to take care of your damn cats! If I see YOUR cats on MY property again, I will call animal control. And your cats are so damn FERAL that I'm sure they'll rot and die in the shelter..."

By this point Bo is so pissed that he can't get to the cat and he has now pissed on me. So I'm holding a peeing dog, have at least half, if not full, boob exposure, and I am LIVID. And I'm continuing to scream threats at him as I walk back to my house...

I still see the cats all over. A keep suggesting we leave out a bowl of antifreeze out for the cats, since it's apparently sweet, and the cats basically fry from the inside out. But now that I've had confrontation with Creepy Guy, I'm afraid he'd KNOW it was us. So I just resign myself to deliberately kicked the cats in front of him if he's outside and I come out and find cats in our yard.

I'm pretty sure this is going to be an ongoing thing.